Goodnight Moon and Goodnight You
by swanqueen530
Summary: What if Loki escaped from the prison on Asgard, being stripped of his magic. And Natasha was assigned to kill him, would she be able to or would she find that Loki isn't all that bad. #Blackfrost, Avengers, Natasha/Loki.
1. Don't go to bed yet love

**Hey everyone, this was just an idea I had and really wanted to explore. If you guys want me to continue it, I would love to know. I hope you guys enjoy reading it and have a wonderful today. And remember constructive criticisms and reviews are always welcome. Chapter titles and title credited to Go Radio.**

Loki's words still echoed in her head, sleep drifting further away as the words played on a loop in her head. Every night waking with a start, hands going directly to her gun, her fingers itching to snap Loki's neck. Killing him seemed to be the only way that she would ever get his words out of her head. However, it had seemed that she had long ago lost her chance at killing him. Her urge to snap someone's neck furthered even more as she heard her phone go off, so much for trying to sleep. Her efforts to sleep had been in vain, no one had ever been able to get under her skin like Loki had. Realizing that sleep was futile, she rolled over in bed and grabbed the phone answering it.

"Natasha." It had to have been something serious seeing as it was Tony who was calling her this early in the morning. At least it better have been important otherwise she might just take out her frustrations and ring his neck.

"Yes?" She answered her voice thick with sleepiness, as she finally rolled out of bed. Sighing as she realized that would be the last time she would be in her bed for the night.

"We have a new mission for you Natasha. What would have previously been seen as a much bigger threat, is now found to be a one-woman job. Loki has escaped." His tone was careful as though he knew how dangerous the waters he was treading in were. She had carefully listened to his words, and the phone almost slipped out of her hand when she heard the last three. Never had she thought she would be afraid, but now was a different time. This time the fear was crippling and it was unlike anything she had ever felt before. It wasn't exactly the fear of Loki however, instead it was the fear of how happy she was at the fact he had. "H-He escaped?" Her words were choked the fear she had at her reaction inhibiting her ability to speak.

The last thing she had known was Loki being kept in a prison on Asgard, one that should have been inescapable. All the false normalcy of everything began to fade away and she realized why she hadn't been able to sleep. Because somewhere in her mind there was apart of her that knew Loki would come back, apart of her that wanted Loki to come back.

"He escaped about an hour ago, and Thor has other business to attend to in ensuring Asgard's safety from another realm. We need you to retrieve Loki, and if you must kill him." His tone left no room to argue about the mission and for a moment she doubted that her skill would be a match for Loki's magic.

"I am at quite the disadvantage sir are you sure this is a one-man job. Sounds like the time to bring the team back together, seeing that Loki is not a man, but a god." She asked wondering how Stark and the rest of SHIELD could have so easily overlooked the fact that Loki was a god. Her mission at this point was practically a death sentence.

"When Loki escaped the price was him being stripped of all his Frost Giant magic. Now he is a mortal man Romanov and no match for your skill set." Stark said knowing that if there was anyone that could take Loki down, it would be the widow. It was what she did best, fighting and manipulating even the god of mischief himself.

"When do I start?" She asked the words with such finality excited at her chance to kill Loki. Her hands picking up the gun, that her fingers had been curled around ever since she had been told of Loki's escape.

"As soon as possible, the longer he is free the more time he has to re-develop his magic. I know that it is late at night agent, but the issue is pressing and needs to be addressed as soon as you can. We believe him to be in the New York area. Ho,wever I must warn you that Loki was able to retain the tricks that he learned from Frigga. He is still able to travel between realms and transport himself." Stark said his own voice quiet from tiredness, as he said good night and wished her good luck that she wouldn't need on her last mission. Finally she had been given a chance to get the god's voice out of her head and she was glad to take it. Anything to stop hearing his words play on repeat in her mind. Now that Loki was without his magic he didn't stand a chance against her, and in a way, it disappointed her. Natasha had always loved a good challenge and this just didn't seem like one yet. She very quickly suited up, itching to go out into the cold winter air of New York. She knew now that she had the upper hand. That was until she heard a low weak and broken chuckle from the other side of the room, sending chills all the way down her spine. It was unmistakable from the god of mischief himself. She spun around of her heels facing him, staring him down.

His usually pale skin, looked to have taken on a sickly sheen and he appeared to be even paler than before. The way he looked struck Natasha, she had really been hoping for a challenge. For Loki to go down with a fight. She assumed however that he looked so sickly because of his dissociation from his frost giant magic. It gave her only a moment of pause however before her hands wrapped around Loki's windpipe. Her nails digging into the soft skin underneath him. This was much easier than she ever could have imagined and apart of her was disappointed at the fact.

"S-Stop," The words were barely there, the god having hardly any air to speaker above a whisper and there was a fear in his eyes that she had never seen before.

It shocked Natasha to hear those words from him and she gently let off the pressure on his windpipe, giving him a little space to breathe. Their eyes locked in what soon became a sort of staring contest. The next thing the skin underneath her fingernails was disappearing as was the god, leaving nothing but a cloud of green in his wake. Natasha standing there frozen to the spot, her mind coulded with confusion at the behavior of the god. The assassins eyes were trained on a spot in the wall as her mind tried to process what had just happened. Now the only words of Loki that echoed in her head were stop, the rest of the thing he had said all faded away. Something about how terrified he had looked gave her pause and reason to feel more concerned than she had before. It threw her off balance because fear wasn't the only thing in his eyes. There was a look of regret in his eyes, something almost human about him in that moment. It pulled at Natasha's heart strings and she realized that this was going to be a lot more difficult than she ever could've imagined. Some of her bitter hatred was replaced with understanding and for a moment her walls came tumbling down. She had seen the look he had given her before, only she had seen it in the eyes that looked back at her in the mirror. She realized this was no time for trying to understand Loki and she tightened her jaw, setting her thoughts straight about him again. Readjusting the grip on her gun, before walking out of her small apartment.

She stepped into the streets of New York, at such an early time in the morning the bustling city seemed deserted. Gone was the hustle and bustle that existed in the day and now the only sight of human life was the faint glow of the street lights and the occasional passing taxi. The cover of the night making her feel more confident, this is where she knew she belonged, in the darkness. She wondered why Loki had come to her apartment, why was the the first place he went. Why her and why now? However, she knew that whatever it was, it was for a reason and he would be back again. For now, it was a waiting game, where she didn't have much time. She had long since forgotten how much she hated waiting.


	2. I think it's too early

**Hey everyone, I'm back. I really love this idea so much, and it's so much fun to write both of them like this. Everyone makes them both out to be heartless, but that's just not the truth. Anyway I hope you enjoy the chapter and have a wonderful day. Please review and as always constructive criticism is always appreciated.**

The sun was setting much to Natasha's annoyance and she huffed calling it a night. It had been weeks since Loki had showed up at her apartment, the haunted look in his eyes occupying her every waking moment. All she wanted to do was to finish the mission and get it over with, to silence the feelings she had felt when she saw him. Her emotions betraying her daily, apart of her hoping, wishing that Loki was alright. Stark had started to become impatient, although that was no surprise it was just apart of his nature. He had no idea why it was taking her so long to kill Loki, he had thought it to be very easy for Natasha. When in reality he couldn't have been more wrong. Even though she had always been one to get the job done fast and get out, this didn't seem to be the case. It had been two weeks and Loki had yet to be seen again. She was about to walk into her room for the night when she heard a soft coughing bounce off the walls. Her head snapped around as she spun on her heel, to face the direction in which the sound had originated. Her eyes were met with the god of mischief looking more sickly than he had before, his skin more pale than ever making a striking contrast with his scraggly looking black hair. He winced under her murderous look, yet made no move to get away from it.

"Why are you here," Her tone was cold and unforgiving as she spoke, her facial features hardening even more with each word. Making the murderous look on her face appear as though it were etched in stone.

"Well that's no way to treat guest now is it?" He asked making a tsk tsk sound, his eyes lighting up with sarcasm. It seemed he hadn't interacted with another person for quite some time.

"You are not a guest though, are you?" She bit out her voice cold.

"Well it would seem that I am not. How sad." He voice sounded like that of a child, before he continued "I've come to apologize as much as I hate it," He started.

"I am afraid that I am not well and I have come to try and make peace," His face softened and for a moment it seemed as though he was going to cry. He looked like he was mourning and she realized that he was, he was mourning his own life.

"You are a god though, isn't it just a snap of the fingers and you're better?" She quipped, after all wasn't he supposed to be immortal?

"I see that you are unaware of the full extent of my punishment, it is truly sad how little they inform you of," He said with a small smirk. "As apart of my punishment I was denied the apples of Asgard, those that once supplied me with my magic as well as my life source. I was sent here to die Natasha, nothing more and nothing less. I'm assuming that they assigned you to kill me, make my death quicker. Is that right?" He asked knowing all too well that they would have sent their best and Natasha was definitely it, as much as he hated to admit it. Seeing as she was the only one to successfully trick him.

"Then why was I sent to kill you, if you are to die no matter what then to what use am I?" She asked, if Loki was telling the truth, then in her opinion the entire mission seemed pointless if not cruel.

"I would assume that it would be to ensure that I can never return to Asgard, the only place I've ever known as home. They would think it a pity if I were able to return and save myself from my fate. I would actually prefer that you just kill me now, it would be much better than the slow painful death I have ahead of me," His voice was snarky as he spoke, seeing as though he thought it to be just as pointless as she did.

"I hate disappoint, but I'm not going to kill you. Not now that I know why they want me to. Like I told you before I have read in my ledger and I'd like to wipe it out. To kill you would just be putting more blood on my hands and I won't do that, not if I don't have to. While you are the furthest thing from a good man Loki, you don't deserve to die. Only few do and you aren't one of them." She said feeling her emotions seeping into her words, as she immediately tried to bite back. However she was not quick enough to stop and she realized this as Loki gave a small amused smile at the emotion he heard in her words.

"Natasha I am to die anyway, so the blood would not be on you hands, but on theirs. It would be an act of kindness, to end the suffering of another. Another who was never supposed to live in the first place." Loki said, leaving the assassin shell shocked she had killed many, but never had they asked for her to kill them.

"You said you were here to make peace, but it is clear that you haven't made peace with the most important person of all," She started pausing at the look of confusion of his face, "Yourself."

"I do not deserve peace after the things I have done," He said his words grim.

"That just shows how important it is that you receive peace. Live for now Loki, make peace with yourself. And when the time comes where you are unable to deal with the pain I will put you out of your misery." She said knowing in her heart that they weren't that much different, and realizing that maybe the only way to get Loki's words out of her head was to make peace with them.

"Your kindness is unwarranted, but nevertheless appreciated my lady," His manners conveyed his thankfulness for her actions, not a trace of sarcasm in his words. In that moment she knew that she had made the right choice. While she wasn't a good person, she realized that there were still some things she could do right.

"Do not make me regret it Loki," Her voice was full of warning and she could see that the god was ready to disappear again and before she realized what she was doing she was reaching out her hand. Pulling him a little closer to her, "No one deserves to die alone, not even you."

She began to walk gently pulling him along with her, leading him to the small guest bedroom, next to her own, "You can stay here," She said motioning toward the bed, with a small smile.

"It really is a comfort, to believe that at least one soul cares, thank you," He said after he had gotten in the bed, his eyes already starting to close. He seemed intent of going to sleep the paleness of his skin making the bags under his eyes stand out, illustrating how little sleep he had gotten as of late.

She pulled up a small chair that had been sitting in the room, moving it next to the bed, "I ask only one thing Loki, why did you do it?"

"I did it to feel like I belonged somewhere, anywhere. Do you know what that feels like agent? I became the monster everyone thought me to be," He said his eyes lost and she saw the vulnerability that existed there, he seemed to traveling in the darkest parts of his mind and she knew exactly what that felt like.

"I know exactly what that feels like, so much that I'm certain I still have yet to find the place in which I belong. Thank you for telling me," She said letting down her guard, every part of her training telling her to stop that emotion was weakness, but she pushed it away.

"Goodnight Loki, if you need anything feel free to ask. In the morning that is, not while I'm sleeping." She said her sarcastic attitude falling right back into place, causing Loki to let let out a small chuckle.

"You seem to have gone soft agent Romanoff," He said his voice thick with amusement at her kindness, no one had bothered to show him kindness in a very long time.

"Don't mistake my kindness for weakness," She warned him, before turning to walk out of the room flicking the light off as she went. Maybe she would finally be able to get some sleep for once.


	3. And we just need a little time

**Here's another chapter guys, I really just can't stop writing this. I love exploring writing these characters. I'm also really excited about the story line I have thought about. If you guys have any ideas or suggestions as to where you would like to see the story go, feel free to let me know. As always please review and constructive criticism is always welcome. Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it. Have a wonderful day!**

Loki tossed again, trying to find a position in which it was comfortable to sleep to no avail. It was past midnight and Loki no matter what he had tried, had been unable to sleep. He started to close his eyes, wondering if the darkness of his eyelids would make him bored enough to fall asleep. A terrifying scream met his ears and his eyes snapped open, so much for sleep. He threw the covers aside and got out of the bed, moving slowly just in case there was someone in the apartment. He thought for a moment that the screams might have been just a figment of his sleep deprived imagination. The thoughts were quickly dismissed when he heard another scream. He followed the origin of the sound, and heard that it was coming from Natasha's room, which was right next to his own. He opened the door, and walking in taking caution with his steps. Flicking on the light he realized that there was no on in the room other than Natasha. He looked closer and saw that she was asleep, red tear stains on her face. Her entire body shaking with fear. He walked closer to the bed, intent to wake her up. He had suffered his fair share of nightmares, most of which being while he was awake. He knew that when someone was having a nightmare, they needed to be woken up. Seeing as it was a lot harder to wake up from a nightmare that it was to wake up from a dream. He sat himself on the bed, and gently reached out and ghosted his hand across her cheek wiping away the tears he found there.

Gently he broke the new silence in the room, "Natasha, wake up." Before he continued, "You're safe now, wake up," He repeated both phrases each as though it were a prayer, hoping that it would succeed in waking her up. He face continued to look fear stricken and he was about to try another way to wake her up.

As he started to say his words again, Natasha shot straight up in the bed. Stopping his words, the jolt of her waking up having shocked him. Leaving him unable to process Natasha reaching under her pillow and pulling out her gun. Which she immediately pointed at Loki, not realizing who he was. The darkness of the room making it difficult to see and the adrenaline in her veins telling her to shoot. Loki raised his hands, "It's just me, it's Loki."

As soon as she heard his words, she snapped out it and lowered the gun with shaky hands. Looking almost horrified at the fact that she had gotten so scared, that she had almost shot him.

"It's okay Nat, it's just me. You were having a nightmare, you're safe now," He said gently taking the gun from her shaking hands and setting it on the the nightstand next to him. He moved to lay down on the bed, and his fingers found their way into her hair, gently massaging her scalp. It was what Frigga had always done, when he had nightmares as a child.

"I'm sorry," Her voice was quiet and raspy from the screaming, her eyes bloodshot, and her body still trembling slightly from the adrenaline that was slowly leaving her veins.

There is nothing to be sorry about my lady, I was unable to fall asleep anyway. Are you alright? You seemed absolutely horrified." His voice was thick with concern, but gentle at the same time, he knew that nightmares like that came from bad memories.

"I'm alright now. I'm just probably not going to any sleep tonight, I don't want you to have to wake me up from another nightmare. I almost shot you." She said shrugging off the remaining terror, feeling terrible that she had almost shot him, when he was only trying to help.

"Nonsense, I'll be right here and I'll wake you up if you have another nightmare. You need your sleep, you look exhausted. I'm not going anywhere. Even if you shoot me it won't be such a big deal seeing as though I am to die soon anyway." He said with a small sad chuckle, as he laid his head onto the pillow his fingers still having not left her hair yet.

"Thank you Loki, You really don't need to stay here if you don't want to," She said her

Voice resigned thinking that he like all the others wouldn't want to stay with her. Most who had claimed to care about her, had never cared enough to stay when she needed them most.

"Do you want me to stay?" He asked, he himself always having wanted someone to stay with his after nightmares. His assumption was confirmed when he noticed the way she leaned into his touch almost using him to ground herself to the rest of the world.

"Yes," As much as she hated admitting that she wanted someone to stay, that she need someone to stay for once. She said it never the less when she saw the understanding look in Loki's eyes, that offered no judgement. No resentment for her being weak.

"Then as I said, I'll be right here for you," He answered wrapping an arm around her pulling her closer to him, resting his chin on her head.

"Loki?" She asked just a little while later, unsure of whether he was awake or not. "Yeah?" He answered his voice soft and thick with sleep. "Thank you for staying," She said before, nuzzling her head into the crook of his neck, falling asleep shortly after.

Not long after he found himself starting to grow tired. He was thankful for the tiredness that he finally felt, it had been a very long time since he had gotten any sleep. Natasha's words broke his heart as it dawned on him that he wouldn't be able to stay much longer, despite how much he found he wanted to. For some reason Natasha's presence calmed him, no one had been able to make him feel safe like she did for a thousand years. It was a feeling had searched the entire nine realms to find, and had long ago given up on ever finding it. He had come to the conclusion that he was unable to feel that for somebody else. He had never before felt the feelings he was currently feeling and it was ever so scary. He had never thought that he would feel those emotions, especially not for the woman in his arms. Another wave of sadness washed over him, he had waited a lifetime to find this feeling and now that it was right in his grasp he realized he would never have it. He could never tell her of the way he felt. He would never be able to give her a promise of forever, most likely not even the promise of a year. Finally he felt the weight of his fate and he finally understood that he was really dying. There would be no coming back, there would be no resurrections. He finally understood all the things he was going to lose and it terrified him. He held onto Natasha a little tighter making sure that she wasn't just a cruel trick that his mind was playing on him. He realized that there were so many things he had yet to do, things he wanted to do with all of his heart. Like to fall in love, to find someone who made him feel like he was more than just a stolen relic. Like he wanted more than just when he was a last option. The god felt the tears start to run down his face as he came to terms with the fact that he would never be able to tell someone he loved them. He would never be able to have the chance of a normal life, he would never been able to have a family. Even though he knew that he would never get to have any of that, he couldn't stop the feelings of adoration he felt for the woman in his arms. He wondered how after all this time, his feeling had come so quickly and why fate had to be so cruel to him. Of course he had done terrible things and he didn't deserve a thing and he knew it. It was times like this that he wished so badly to go back in time and to fix the things that he had done. When he had done what he had did, he had never thought about anything other than revenge and never once had he thought about the consequences. Never did he realize how he was going to lose.

He realized how beautiful she looked when she was asleep, she looked happy. She looked as though the weight she always carried around was long forgotten about and she could be in peace. He wished that could live long enough to make her smile like that when she was awake too, and he selfishly wished to live just a little while longer. Just so that he could hold her in his arms long enough to properly say goodbye.

"I wish I could be the one to make you happy Nat, to finally be the one to lift the weight of the world off of your shoulders. Sadly this life hasn't granted me enough time, I do hope you find your person even though it can't be me." He said as he let another tear fall, and nestled his head into her red hair. Slowly drifting off to sleep, wondering just how many days he would have to left to see her face.


	4. To ourselves

**Hey guys, just wanted to give you another chapter before I go on vacation just in case I don't get a chance to update then. I hope you guys are enjoying this story and I hope you guys have an absolutely wonderful day. Please review and as always constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.**

The sun filtered through the curtains as Natasha opened her eyes. The quietness of the room having woken her up. As she moved to get up she noticed that Loki was still in the bed, looking so peaceful while sleeping. She smiled moving to trace his angled jaw line with her fingers. The skin underneath her fingertips was surprisingly soft and she couldn't find it within her to pull her hand away. She was shocked that he had stayed and she let herself be happy at the fact that for once someone hadn't left. Her face fell when her brain reminded her that he wouldn't be able to stay much longer, and no one could stop that. She immediately regretted agreeing to kill him, knowing that it was going to be one of the hardest things she would ever have to do. Her fingers moved from his jaw and they soon found their way to his pale lips, tracing over them slightly as to not wake him. Suddenly she felt her thoughts betraying her wondering what it would be like to kiss him. Her other hand reached up and wove itself into his long black hair, loving how soft it was. Her fingernails reaching to scratch at his scalp ever so lightly, before dragging them down to the ends of his hair. As she moved to be closer to him, so that she could put both hands in his hair, she suddenly felt her lips brush his own. She gasped loudly when instead of pulling away he kissed her back. She found herself melting into the kiss, her fingers reaching to the back of his neck to pull him closer to her. One of Loki's hands tangling itself in her unruly red curls and the other gently cupping her face. As his eyes fluttered open, before the two finally had to pull apart both gasping for air. Loki smiled as his eyes opened all the way.

"That was-" Natasha was the first to break the comfortable silence that had began to settle between the two of them, her voice soft from the lack of air. Leaning forward touching her forehead to Loki's.

"Amazing," Loki finished her words for her, showing that he shared the same sentiment. Before reaching his hand out again, tucking a red curl back behind her ear, so that he could see her eyes.

"Can I kiss you again?" Natasha asked unsure of whether or not he had meant to kiss her and before she could doubt it any longer, he answered by pressing his lips against her own. They both smiled fully through the kiss, each feeling a happiness they hadn't felt in a very long. Having to break the kiss because of how much they were both smiling. Just as Natasha was leaning in to kiss him again she heard her phone ring and let out a sigh. She turned her head to look at who it was that could possibly be calling her now. Her face went pale as she realized, who it was that was calling. The caller ID showed that it was Tony again and she realized she hadn't thought about telling him that she wasn't going to be able to finish the mission without him sending someone else to do it instead.

"Are you alright?" Loki asked from the other side of the bed, concern deep in his voice. The fear in her eyes almost palpable as though he could reach out and hold it in his hands.

"It's Tony, I don't what I'm going to say. He's going to ask me if I have finished the job yet. If I tell him I killed you, he might assign me another mission and I already promised you that I'm not going to leave you to die alone. If I tell him I can't do it then he is simply going to send another to finish the job and I can't let you die like that. They will torture you Loki, they will stop at nothing to feel like they have gotten revenge for what happened in New York. I don't think I would ever be able to live with myself if I let that happen. I know I'm going to lose you anyway, but I'm just not ready to let go yet. No matter how selfish it might be." The tears were rolling down her face before she could even try to stop them, and the phone and her hands started to shake.

"Tony's you friend right?" Loki asked her trying to calm her down, knowing that the rest of her team would do anything for her. Seeing as she was the one who tied them together as a team, the one who made sure they didn't murder each other.

"Yes, he is Loki. He has his orders from SHIELD though," She said knowing exactly what Loki was saying and hoping that maybe just maybe he was right. "Stark's never been one to follow the rules though." Loki got up and wiped the tears from her face, accepting the call for her, before bringing the phone up to her ear.

"Tony?" Natasha's voice was shaky as she spoke, hoping that he would be able to give her more time.

"Have you found him yet?" She could hear the impatience seeping into his voice even though it was clear that he was trying to not let it be noticable.

"Yes, but there is one problem," She said trying not to let her guard slip as she spoke, tears stinging her eyes.

"What's the problem, are you alright?" His voice was so full of concern and she hated having to ask him do this for her, but it was her only choice.

"I'm fine, it's just I can't do it." She said he voice starting to shake a little again, and Loki wrapped her up in his arms, letting her know that she could do it.

"Why not?" Tony asked his voice dripping with confusion, he had never known her to find something that she couldn't do.

"I've discovered that I have feelings for him Tony. He is not well and I made him a promise to stay with him, no one deserves to die alone. He is going to die soon Tony and to kill him now seems pointless and cruel. I know you have your orders from SHIELD, but as my friend can you please not tell them that I've found him. Please Stark just tell them that I need a little more time to find him," Tony Stark had never heard that vulnerability in her voice before and quite frankly it scared him shitless.

"Natasha he is dangerous and nothing will stop him from feeling the need to belong with whatever it may be. I don't want you to get hurt, they'll kill you if they find out. You know how dangerous this is right?" His voice was thick with concern, he had always hoped that she would be able to find someone, but not someone who was either going to kill her or get her killed.

"Loki's not well Tony and he needs someone who is willing to take care of him. He is no condition to hurt me let alone kill me. And so what if SHIELD tries to kill me, it would be just another person added to the long list of those who have tried and failed. I have been through hell and back Tony I'm not afraid of them." Her voice was unwavering conveying all of the strength she had with just her tone alone.

"They are unlike anyone you have ever dealt with before Natasha and they will stop at nothing if they find out. You l

"Loki's not well Tony, he needs to be taken care of. And so what if they try to kill me it would just be another person added to the long list of ones who have tried and failed," Her voice was unwavering conveying all of the strength she had in her tone.

"They are unlike anyone you have ever went up against before, and they will stop at nothing if they find out. I will buy you as much time as I possibly can, I just ask that you are careful. We need all the members of our team." His voice was warm and caring for once and it shocked Natasha.

"I will Tony, thank you," She said before she hung up the phone sitting it back down before turning to face a very shocked looking Loki.

"T-They'll kill you?" He asked his voice full of concern at what she was risking, never having considered what would happen if she didn't follow her orders. It was in that moment that he realized just how trapped she was in SHIELD.

"Don't worry about me, I'll be alright, I know how to take care of myself. Plus if they can't catch me than they can never kill me. Tony will buy me some time and they will never know." She said giving him a quick reassuring peck of the cheek.

"I'm not worth all of this Natasha. I am not worth your life, I have never done anything to deserve it, in fact I have done the complete and utter opposite. So desperate to belong, to feel like I had a place I never realized all the wrong I was doing nor did I care. This is my price to pay Nat not yours. I know you can take care of yourself, but it just doesn't make sense for you to pay a debt that you don't owe." He asked hoping that she wasn't about to follow through with getting herself killed just to protect a dying man.

"The same reason you insist on paying your own debt. I was raised from the time I could walk to be ruthless and murderous in every way. I didn't have the want to belong, I just felt like what I was doing was necessary to survive. You are not the only one with a debt to pay and yet you are the only one to be punished for it. You are not the only monster here Loki." She said and she knew that they were both very much one in the same. Each having done terrible things and never having thought of their consequences until it was too late.

"You are not a monster Tasha, you are the furthest thing from it. You were raised to be that way, you didn't have a choice. I was raised to be more than I ever should have been, I had a choice, hell I even had a second chance. I threw that all away. You however have made yourself so much better, you are willing to do whatever it takes to save others and you have become truly selfless. No monster would ever do what you did." Knowing that there were many things she had done to repent from her sins. That she didn't deserve the terrible fate that was in his cards, the fate he practically made for himself.

"I want to save you so badly and for once in my life I don't know how to what's wrong. I'm not used to it Loki, I'm used to be able to do something to stop the situation and now I can't. It's killing me because everything I've ever wanted is standing right here with me and yet I know that I can never have it." She said her voice shaky as she spoke tears running down her face as she finally broke, she just couldn't understand why there wasn't another way.

"There is only one way to save me and that option was long ago taken away from me. So I know exactly how helpless you feel and I'm so very sorry that I can't stay. That I can't fall in love with you and have a life with you." He said feeling so terribly guilty at what he was putting her through. He had tried everything already to save himself and nothing had worked.

"What is it?" She asked a glimmer of hope shining in her eyes, as she thought that there was a way that she could save him. A way that she could fix what was happening.

"An apple from Asgard, but in order for me to get one I need to have enough magic to travel all the way to Asgard. Unfortunately I am without the amount of magic required," He answered sadly shaking his head as he spoke.

"Is there a way to restore you magic enough to get you to Asgard?" She asked curiosity seeping through her words as she hoped that there was a way to get it back.

"Sadly the only option is unavailable to me, it requires you having someone who loves you so much that their love alone, undos your sin. Honestly quite cruel, no one could ever love me enough to undo all the wrong I have done." He said his voice resigned as his eyes found their way to the floor.

"I can't promise that I can, I'm not sure that my heart is even capable of love anymore." She said letting another tear roll down her face as the hope she had was crushed again.

"I would never ask you to love me Tasha, it would be so terribly unfair to you to have to love a monster. You deserve someone who can give you a good life, not one where you're always on the run," He said knowing that Natasha deserved so much more.

"From what you said of monsters earlier Loki, it proves that not even you are completely a monster. You will never be a monster, at least not in my eyes. Nor would it be unfair of me to love you, I wish that I could, I hope that I can. It's just I've never loved anyone before." She said her eyes too looking downcast at the floor.

"Nat, it's okay to let me go. It does not make you a monster. There will be someone else that comes into your life, where love will come easy and you won't have to try. Just do me a favor Tasha, live life enough for the both us. Do everything you have ever wanted to do. See everything you have ever wanted to see, and go everywhere you've ever want to go. Don't give up all of that just because of me. Nobody's worth all of that." He said.

"You are not a monster Loki, at least not in my eyes. Nor would it be unfair, I wish I could love you. It's just I've never, I've never loved anyone before." She said her eyes too looking downcast at the floor.

"It's okay to let me go. There will be someone else where love comes easy and you will not have to try. Just do me a favor Nat, live life enough for the both of us. Do everything you've ever wanted to do. See everything you've ever wanted to see and go everywhere you've ever wanted. Don't give up all of that for me, I'm afraid that nobody is worth it." He said.

"At least let me keep my promise to you, let me get to know you. And when the pain becomes too much for you I will let you go. Until then I will have Stark cover for me," She said pulling him close into a hug.

"Okay, but if they figure it out, you'll have to let me go a lot sooner," He said knowing that she would still try to keep him alive even if she was figured out.

"Okay, I-I promise," She said burying her head into his should, letting the fabric wipe away her tears as she promised to herself to be strong and to learn to let go.


	5. And if my wall clock tells me that it's

**Hey guys, sorry for taking so long to upload. These past few weeks have been rough, and I went through a short bout of writer's block. But I'm back now with a pretty long chapter, that I hope you guys like. I hope you all have a wonderful day and remember that constructive criticism and reviews are always appreciated.**

Ever since that night they had spent together, Loki went back to the guest room opting sleep there instead. Not because he didn't want to be close to Natasha, but he knew if he got close he would break her heart even more. So at the price of being left alone with his own thoughts he decided to stay in the guest room. Even though Natasha had said several times that it was okay for him to sleep in the bed with her if it made him more comfortable. He took to staying awake most of the night to make sure that she wasn't experiencing nightmares. The nights she did were the only nights he would come into her room and hold her in his arms. And she had more than once returned the favor to him. However this night he fell asleep freezing like he never had before. Being a frost giant cold had never bothered him instead it had soothed him. This cold was different not only was it coming from him, but he also was affected by it. Loki had thought it strange, but thought nothing more of it. Until he woke up in a cold sweat, sighing he got out of bed and walked to Natasha's room. He gently pulled back the covers and sunk underneath them searching for warmth. He expected Nat to stay asleep as she had been sleepy quite soundly. What he didn't know however is that Natasha couldn't sleep unless it was cold and he had warmed up the blanket and the bed significantly. Rousing the redhead from her sleep, and she instantly was alerted that something wrong. She turned around gently to find a pale and feverish Loki. Her mind immediately jumped to the thought that it was time and she felt her heart sink low. Tears springing up to her eyes, threatening to fall by the second as she tried to get the words out, in question.

Her voice was shaky as she spoke and she stumbled over her words not sure that she was ready for what she was sure his answer would be, "Is it time?"

"No it is not time yet," He said reaching up his hand and wiping away her tears before continuing, "I believe this may be a thing you on earth call a flu?" Loki said a question in his statement a sheepish smile written on his face.

"Oh thank god," She was immediately wrapping him into a bone crushing hug reluctant to let go, not sure when he could come and say that it was time.

"Which one?" He asked trying to make her feel better and she immediately rolled her eyes at him giving him a peck on the cheek. He knew of the customs and beliefs they had on this world, but it still seemed to make her happy.

In response to his words she immediately threw back a, "Oh shut up," placing a kiss on his forehead, instantly moving to pull her lips away. Her lips nearly burned by the intense heat of his forehead, and she jumped out of bed heading quickly to the bathroom. Leaving a very confused Loki in her wake as she went to get a thermometer. Coming back into the room she instructed for him to open his mouth and she took his temperature.

"Dammit, we have to take you to the hospital," Natasha said shaking her head as she read the temperature on the thermometer.

"Why would we need to do that, I thought you humans got the flu all the time?" He asked his brows drawing together in his confusion at how she knew he needed a hospital or what that thing in her hands was anyway.

"You have temperature of one hundred and six," She said turning on the light noticing the sheen of sweat on his face, his hair matted to his face. She walked over and tucked his hair away from his face so that he could cool of a little.

"Is that not healthy?" He asked not really understanding the mortals standards of health, but without his magic he was left with no immune system. He however was actually really shocked himself he had always been very cold, maybe normal body temperature being seventy at most.

"Yes it is bad for humans and I'm assuming it's worse for you compared to your normal body temperature," She said before looking back at him again, "I don't think we can take you to a hospital in this country. Not with shield most likely looking for you, I'm sure they'd find you in an instant."

"Do you have enough tricks to travel to another place?" She asked hoping desperately that he had enough of his tricks to bring them somewhere else where he could be treated.

"I believe so, is there anything you prefer?" He asked seeing the concern written all over his face and he realized that his death was already going to break her heart and that she need him to do this.

"Somewhere cold would relieve you from all the heat, so as much as I hate it I guess Russia will work," She hated going back knowing how many bad memories it would bring up.

"Are you sure you want to go there? Barton told me about some of the things that happened in that place," He said not wanting to bring up any bad memories for her.

"Loki, you are sick and need somewhere you can get attention and be safe from SHIELD." She said taking his hand in hers and motioning for him to continue. The cold bitter air that bit at her skin let her know instantly that they were there, and shivers ran down her spine.

Loki saw her shiver and immediately reached out for her hand and intertwined his fingers with hers. Turning to face her and giving her a shaky reassuring smile, in hopes of raising her spirits. The warmth of his hand in hers, starting to distract her from the rest of the cold surrounding her, the cold that brought back terrible memories. She took a shaky breath before walking to the door of the hospital the cold metal of the door nearly burning her hand. She opened the door and walking in to the desk greeting the woman there with a small smile.

"Здравствуйте, мисс. Мне нужно обратиться к врачу о лихорадке. Мой друг имеет лихорадку около ста четырех. В настоящее время я его переводчик, он говорит по-английски. Просто быстрая проверка, чтобы увидеть, что это не более." She said to the woman, explaining that her friend was in need of just a quick check up for a fever.

"Да, у нас есть врач, который говорит по-английски, если он полезен?" The woman behind the desk could tell that the Natasha's friend was clearly not from Russia and so she quickly let the her know that there was a doctor who spoke English.

"Да, это было бы очень полезно. Спасибо." Natasha thanked the woman glad that she had heard the uncomfortableness in her voice and almost laughed at how clear it was that Loki wasn't from around here.

"Через минуту он скоро будет с вами" The cheerful woman said pointing over to a room just around the corner of the wall. Natasha gave a quick smile and thanked the woman before motioning for Loki to follow her to the waiting room. Loki gave a small smile before saying, "That was beautiful to hear you speak that language. It is so very intricate.

"It brings back what I once was, what I still think that I am sometimes," Natasha answered giving him a quick peck on the cheek, "It's hurts me to speak it anymore."

"I'm sorry that I have brought up all these bad memories, thank you for doing this. For worrying about me," Loki said reaching out for her hand taking it into his own.

"Haven't you had anyone to worry about you before?" She asked her voice was sad and she knew the feeling of having no one to worry, no one to care just how reckless you were. So you try to become more reckless, more dangerous anything to get anyone to worry and it never works. That was until she met the team, they have always looked out for her, even though they know she will kick their asses if she needs to.

"I did one a very long time ago, but she is long since gone. I'm afraid the last thing I ever said to her was absolutely terrible and if she were to be alive still she probably wouldn't worry anymore," Loki said the look of his face distant as though in that moment he had mentally left the room and gone someplace else deep in his mind.

"I'm terribly sorry Loki, maybe one day you'll tell me about her? I'm sure if she cared for you like you said that she has already forgiven you for your words." She genuinely couldn't stop herself from wanting to know more about him.

"Yes maybe one day I will," He said with a small smile, finding it comforting to have someone to tell lifetimes of stories to. Before Natasha could ask more about him the doctor appeared in the hallway and motioned for them to follow him, calling Loki's fake name.

"So what seems to be the problem?" The doctor asked her and Loki looked slightly shocked at how well the man spoke English, he knew how hard it was to pick up another language it had took him centuries the first time.

"My friend Liam here has a fever of one hundred and four," Natasha said easily falling into pace with Loki's fake persona.

"So what seems to be the problem?" The doctor asked and Loki looked slightly shocked that she had found someone who spoke English.

"My friend Liam here has a fever of one hundred and four," Natasha said easily suiting them both with fake personas.

"Yes, I'm feeling quite dizzy and I am experiencing shivering and this is my translator Natalia," Loki affirmed easily falling into the personas that Natasha had given them. The doctor turned his gaze over to Loki for a few moments before speaking again, "He does as you said have a high fever and appears to be severely dehydrated due to the fever. However I am sure that this is just a case of the common flu. Just make sure to give him some antibiotics and that he drinks lots of fluids. He should be just fine other than that, the only other cause for concern you should have is if his fever doesn't break within a few days." The doctor assured a still nervous looking Natasha before finishing up what he was doing and letting them know that they were good to go.

"See I told you I was just fine, you worry way too much," Loki said teasingly as they walked out of the hospital and he prepared himself to transport them back to the apartment.

"I do not, You really worried me you doofus." Natasha threw back just as playfully bumping him on the shoulder to emphasize her point.

Soon a cloud of Loki's magic was enveloping around them and then they materialized back into her apartment. Natasha immediately heading to the fridge grabbing out two bottles of water, before walking back into the living room placing them down on the coffee table. Before motioning to the couch wordlessly asking Loki to sit down. Loki gave a small huff before sitting down on the couch anyways. Natasha headed back to the kitchen, reaching on her tiptoes to grab a box of soup mix out of the cabinet. Before grabbing a pot from the other cabinet and setting it on the stove before turning on the stove. She boiled some water and then added the soup mix. Once it was done she poured it all into a large bowl before walking back into the living room to find Loki sprawled out over the entire length of the couch, his feet dangling over the edge of the couch.

"Now how am I supposed to sit down?" She teased him knowing that Loki was highly unlikely to give up any of the couch, based on how comfortable he looked. However she was quickly proven wrong when Loki lifted up his head and patted the space on the couch where he had been resting his head. Natasha rolled her eyes knowing exactly what Loki was going to do and she sat the bowl of soup down on the coffee table before sitting down on the couch with a sigh. Loki's head immediately laying back down where he had been effectively resting his head on her lap, looking up at her with a devilish smirk. Two could play at that game she decided her fingers tangling into his hair. Small moans coming out of Loki's mouth as she returned his previous smirk, continuing to scratch her fingernails against his scalp. Eventually she stopped much to Loki's clearly evident dismay and he raised his head in question. She smirked devilishly once more and motioned to the now warm bowl of soup and handed him a spoon. Before reaching over to grab the bowl off the coffee table. Getting up and moving towards a cabinet that had found its place next to the tv stand. She crouched down opening one of the drawers and grabbing out a random movie. Before standing back up and heading to the tv putting the movie in the dvd player. Before pressing play and going back to the couch. Seeing that Loki had sat up to eat his soup leaving ¾ of the couch empty she smirked laying across the rest of the couch just like Loki had.

"Well now how am I supposed to lay down?" He asked as he took another spoon full of soup before pointing the spoon at her accusingly.

"Well the only way would be to cuddle with me?" She asked before grabbing the blanket that Loki had been using to cover herself up. Loki decided it was a good idea and wedged himself between the couch and reached his arms around her frame pulling her closer to him. Doing exactly as she had suggested.

"You're very warm," He commented a few minutes after laying down next to her, it was more noticeable to him now that he was freezing more so than usual. Her warm skin felt like heaven against his own frosty skin.

"And you're absolutely freezing," she shot back with a slight shiver in her voice, however the cold felt great against her skin. She had always been a very warm person, and usually kept the temperature in her apartment very low, but ever since Loki started staying she found that it was no longer necessary.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize you must be freezing," He started to move away after hearing the shiver in her voice and he was immediately stopped by Natasha's hand.

"No, no don't move it feels wonderful," She said cuddling into him more so that she could prove her point and to cool down her own skin.

"Oh okay," Loki said before settling back down on the couch and wrapping his arms around her once more before turning his eyes to the television screen. Everyone had always shied away from his touch saying that he was too cold, never had he been told that it felt wonderful. He had just recently been introduced to movies and found that he had become quite fond of them. Although they weren't nearly as fun as video games were. He found however that he enjoyed the story lines that the movies had, shedding the light on the bad guys like himself and their stories. Finally the rolling credits snapped him out of his daze and he realized the movie was over. He turned his gaze away from the tv and turned to find Natasha soundly asleep in his arms, quietly maneuvering himself off the couch without waking her. Standing on the floor her bent down and picked her up into his arms, carrying her bridal style into her room. He gently placed her on the bed, covering her up with a blanket, before placing a single kiss on her forehead.

Just as he was walking out of the room, the door creaking ever so slightly on the hinges her head, "Stay." He looked over to find that her eyes were barely open, and she motioned sleepily for him to come lay down.

With a sigh Loki walked back over to the bed and pulled the blanket back, settling himself under it next to her. Wrapping her up in his arms, already feeling better maybe not physically but at least emotionally.

"Frigga," Loki started deciding that now was a time to tell Natasha what she had asked him about and he hoped she would understand. She shot him a very confused look not knowing what he was saying.

"You asked me earlier if anyone had ever worried about me before, you asked me about her," He answered the unspoken question in her eyes his voice a little uneven.

"Who was she Loki?" She asked hearing the deep and heavy sadness in his voice and broke just at the sound of his voice.

"My mother," Loki said wishing he had told her that he saw her as his mother when he still had the chance.

"What happened?" Natasha asked her hand reaching out to wipe away a tear from his cheek the other hand reaching out to hold his giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"She was killed by the dark elves, protecting Jane. My last words to her were that she wasn't my mother and I will regret them for the rest of my days. I was just so angry and all I cared about was my revenge. I was so upset that no one had told me the monster that I really was, that I lost sight of what really mattered," He said more tears rolling down his face and he let them come welcoming the tears.

"I'm sure she knows that you didn't mean it Loki. It sounds like she loved you a lot and I'm sure she knew exactly why you were doing the things you did," She said wiping away each of the tears that fell erasing the tear tracks from his face.

"I do hope she knows," He said with a small sad smile, mustering up everything to believe that she knew that he hadn't meant it, any of it.

She began to sing him an old Russian lullaby it was the only thing she remembered of her own mother. Her heart found comfort in the words and the weight of what the language reminded her of melted away. She hoped it would offer some of the same comfort to Loki as it did to her. She had been to little when she was taken to remember her mother and these words were how she had survived nearly everything in her life. It made her feel as though her mother was there with her no matter what.

"That is truly beautiful, maybe sometime when you're ready you'll tell me how you learned it," Loki said as he found himself slowly drifting off to sleep by the beautiful singing.

"Goodnight Loki, I love you," She finally let the words that she had been dreading to say for so long, roll of her tongue.


	6. Four in the morning I'll give it hell

Hey guys I'm finally back with another chapter. I hope you guys enjoy this one! I hope you all have a wonderful day and that this puts a smile on your face! And as always constructive criticism is greatly appreciated as well as your input on the story!

Natasha woke up and turned around in Loki's arms so that she was facing him, bringing her hand up to trace along his jawline. He was beginning to look more sickly and it was killing her to watch him die slowly, but she made a promise that she intended to keep. He had definitely started to lose weight and his jawline and cheekbones were already more sharp than before. The clothes he had slowly beginning to be baggy on him and it really scared her. Every time she woke up she would check on him, just to make sure that he was still there. Each time she finds him still there she lets herself cry happily just a little before she remembers the reality of the situation at hand. However this morning was different, her thoughts were interrupted this time by the sound of her phone ringing, it was Clint. Natasha truly felt bad she had been neglecting him quite a bit ever since the night Loki appeared in her apartment. "Clint?" She answered her voice still groggy from sleep as she slowly moved out of Loki's arms as not to wake him. "Hey are you okay?" He asked and she could hear the concern written in his voice and she immediately felt guilty. "I'm doing okay, I'm sorry I haven't called in while. I'm just on a really complicated mission and it takes up a lot of my time." She said making up a fake mission while she was at it so that he didn't worry about what was wrong with her. What she really wanted to say, or scream was 'Of course I'm not okay, I've been looking for love my entire life and when I finally find him. I have to watch him slowly wither away right in front of me so no I'm not okay.' But she didn't and she knew she couldn't because then Clint would be in danger too. "Oh ok, I'm glad you're alright I was beginning to get worried. Just call me if you need anything, I'm always right here." Clint said and for a moment she thought she heard a twinge of loneliness in his voice, but she brushed it off when the thought of his family came into her mind.  
"How are you Clint?" She asked hoping that she had just imagined the loneliness in his voice. "I'm doing great and so is the family. I just wanted to make sure that all of my family was okay," He said and Natasha smiled glad that he wasn't upset due to her absence. "Thank you, tell them I say hi." She said before she registered Loki's presence behind her and she finished her sentence with, "Sorry I have to go now, but I'll call soon. Try not to worry about me too much." With that she turned off the phone and turned to face Loki. "Is everything okay?" He asked gently, hoping that it wasn't Stark warning her about SHIELD. "Ya, it was just Clint. He wanted to make sure the rest of the family was okay," She said explaining lightly how close she and Clint were. "May I ask how you and Clint are so close, I never asked him that?" Loki asked his eyes practically swimming in curiosity. "It's a very long story," She said moving to the couch and motioning for him to follow her, wordlessly letting him know that she would tell it anyway. Once each of them were settled on the couch, Natasha in Loki's arms as he sensed this wouldn't be an easy story for her to tell. "I grew up in a place called the red room, where I was trained to be an assassin. It was ruthless and the only way out was to die, that was if you even survived the program." She stopped for a moment gathering her thoughts with a sniffle before she continued, "They took away my chance of being a mother because it was the only thing that would ever be more important than killing. They ingrained it into my memory that was worth nothing and was easily replaceable.I had killed so many people that I stopped realizing how much damage I had caused. That was until it dawned on me that what I was doing wasn't right, that it wasn't what people did. I started to search tirelessly for a way out. That was when I realized that the only way out was to die, and I started to lose hope in ever being anymore than I was. I saw myself as a monster, and if I'm honest I still do for the stuff that I've done. Just when I had given up on ever finding a way out, I was targeted by SHIELD. They sent Clint to assassinate me, but he had other plans. Instead of killing me, when he figured out how trapped I was, he helped me get out. He got me a place in SHIELD and for the first time I really felt like I belonged, I felt like I finally meant something. He has been my best friend ever since," By the time she finished there were tears tracks staining her face and her eyes were puffy and red. Loki had pulled her tighter into his arms about halfway through the story. He kissed her forehead when she finished the story resting his chin on her head. He continued to hold her in his arms before he finally broke the silence that had settled between them. "I'm so very sorry that you ever had to go through any of that. I promise you that you are not a monster and that you will always matter to me," Loki said hoping that his words could offer her at least a small bit of comfort. He felt terrible knowing all that she had gone through and wished that he could fix all of her pain. "I return your promises, I hope you know that," Knowing that he had been through hell just as she had, different hells, but still hell nevertheless. "I grew up in Russia and Russian is my first language however it brings back the memories of that place, or at least it used to," She said realizing how her opinions of the language had changed just recently. "What changed?" Loki asked wondering how she had let go of all the pain tied to those words, knowing he wouldn't be able to do it. "Singing you that lullaby, it was the only thing I remember of my mother. I was hoping that it would comfort you as it had comforted me all the years that I was all alone." Natasha said sniffling again, "I realized that while there were so many terrible memories tied to it, that it was still the only thing I have of my mother."  
Loki saw the sadness in her eyes and pulled her closer to him, "I don't know my real mother I was never able to. I was abandoned when I was just a boy, left to die on a cold planet." Loki said, slowly letting his guard down about the single thing that had haunted him his entire life. "You said before that only one person has ever truly cared for you, but I've been meaning to ask you what about Thor?" Natasha asked hoping that she wasn't uncovering more pain for him. "Thor doesn't yet know the true meaning of that word, nor could he ever truly care for me. I'll always be the little boy that didn't belong the laughing stock of Asgard. Their sworn enemies child and Thor is now the king of those people and agrees with their ideals. So once I thought he had cared for me, but now I know that he doesn't know what that means." Loki said moving gently to get more comfortable on the couch, never once letting Natasha out of his arms.  
"I'm so very sorry, I wish I had met you sooner," Natasha said sadly reaching up to place her hand on his cheek before pulling him in even closer for a kiss. "Why?" Loki asked most people dreaded the fact of ever having met him and he had never once heard someone even say they were glad they met him. "Because you've been alone for way to long," She said drawing him in for another kiss, her hands reaching up to tangle themselves in his hair. "I don't feel alone anymore," He said after the kiss broke, feeling a smile make its way across his face. "You'll always belong here with me," She promised him, wrapping her arms around him in addition to his own arms wrapped around her. "And you'll always have your place here with me, even after I become just a star in the sky," He said gently knowing his words would probably make her cry, and his hand was already reaching out to wipe unshed tears away. 


	7. Cause I've been trying way too long

_**Hey guys sorry I haven't uploaded in a little while, I wrote this and then completely forgot to upload it. Anyway I hope you all enjoyed your Fourth of July and have had a wonderful couple of weeks. I hope you all enjoy this, and if you'd like me to continue please let me know. And as always reviews and constructive criticism are more than welcome, as well as any suggestion you may have. Have a wonderful day!**_

A deep cold had settled in the air and by the time Natasha awoke she found herself absolutely freezing. The cold shocking her awake, her back flying up off the bed. It was a cold stronger than any she had ever felt, even after long winters in the middle of Russia. It was almost unnatural and she quickly looked around, in search of the source of the cold. Her heart nearly stopped when she realized it was coming from behind her, from Loki. Her brain instantly jumping to the the thought of him being dead. Terrified of her realization she slowly turned around, forcing her to check on him. What she saw she could have never imagined not in a million years. Loki was there sleeping quite soundly, but where his pale flawless skin once was now was replaced by blue skin littered with thousands of scars. Her mouth dropped open as an emotion washed over her, an emotion that she had never expected to feel at such a sight. It was a feeling of wonder and awe, at just how beautiful he looked this way. However she was old friends with the fear she also felt in that moment, not knowing what it meant about Loki's condition. Her thoughts quickly jumping to the idea that their short time would be up very soon. She quickly moved to wake him, ignoring how the cold of his skin burned into her hands, similar to the feeling of fire, only much more harsh.

"Loki, I need you to wake up please," She asked him her voice shaking as she persisted to try waking him. When he wouldn't budge she almost broke down right there, knowing that it was time and that he was finally gone. It didn't stop her from persisting with her pleads to get him to wake up, "Please wake up I can't lose you, not yet not now." She hoped desperat/ely that there was a chance he would open his eyes again.

As though her silent prayer to a god that she knew didn't exist was answered his eyes shot open. She was surprised to find that his once green eyes were now swimming in a color similar to that of blood, contrasting greatly against his blue skin. She saw him shiver and immediately pulled the blanket over him hoping that it would offer him some warmth. He watched her move the blanket all the way up to his arms, until he saw his arms. He seemed to be frozen stiff with fear at his own appearance and it broke Natasha's heart. He turned his head hoping that he would be able to cope with what he assumed would be a look of fear and hatred in her eyes. However he found nothing of the sort, instead in her forest green eyes he found worry and happiness, as well as curiosity. He smiled when he let himself believe that the worry was for him. Her curiosity intrigued him, for she was not afraid of what he really looked like. He couldn't even say that about himself. She was shivering, her ruby red lips tinged blue and her teeth chattering, yet she made no move to distance herself from him. Instead she did quite the opposite moving herself forward and lunging into his arms. Overwhelmed by a feeling relief that washed over her in waves she held onto him even tighter, ignoring the burning cold. Continuing her assault of hugs and kisses, grateful that he was alive.

"You're not afraid of me?" He asked and she swore you could hear the vulnerability in his voice from over a mile away.

"Of course not, what is there to be afraid of," She didn't know that he would be so frightened by his own appearance and it broke her heart.

"I'm getting weaker and my magic is dissipated, I no longer have the strength to maintain my human form." He explained his mind telling him that she was afraid of him and was looking for the right time to move far far away.

"If you don't mind me asking, why do you keep a human form if this is what you are supposed to look like?" She was confused why he wanted to hide what he really looked like from her and then she saw the insecurity swimming in his eyes.

"In Asgard Frost giants are feared and despised. They are the greatest enemy and I just so happen to be both the prince of Asgard and Jotunheim. Once they learned of my origin they wanted nothing more than to kill me, and Odin gave me this form as soon as he found me. The people who claimed they were my parents for years were ashamed of what I really looked like." He hung his head as he finished his words.

"I think you look beautiful," She said sweeping away a strand of his dark hair, so she could see even more of his face. Her hand reaching up, her index finger tracing the intricate patterns on his skin.

"You do?" Loki asked genuinely surprised that she found him beautiful, and even more shocked when she reached her finger out to trace the patterns on his skin.

"I wouldn't lie to you, how did Odin adopt you?" She asked never truly understanding how Loki became the son of Odin.

"Odin killed my father, and I was simply taken as the spoils of war," Loki admits shaking his head as frosty tears start to fall down his face.

"You are much more than that to me," She said wrapping her arms around his again and wiping away his tears, ignoring her own shivering.

"Natasha, you're going to get hypothermia," He said slowly scooting himself away from her putting just a little bit of distance between them.

"I don't care just let me hold you a little longer," Natasha said stubbornly pulling him back to her.

"Okay you have ten minutes, I don't want you to freeze to death," He said laughing slightly at her stubbornness.

"How long do you have left?" She asked him softly her own words betraying her, but she knew she couldn't go on not knowing.

"Maybe a month at most, but probably less," He said hating the way her face fell and he felt as though he could hear her heart breaking.

She was silent after that her heart breaking up into a thousand little pieces and all she could do was blame herself for getting so attached. Yet she knew that she couldn't pull herself away. She was pulled out her thoughts when Loki gently shook her, letting her know that the ten minutes were up. She sighed almost letting out a sob, that she pushed to the back of her mind. She pulled the blankets with her wrapping herself in them as she got out of the bed, heading to the kitchen to make some hot chocolate. Loki followed grabbing a blanket of his own, it had been a long time since he had take Jotun form and he had forgotten just how cold it really was.

A few minutes later Natasha poured herself a cup of hot chocolate filling Loki's mug as well before heading into the living room to sit them down on the coffee table. Giggling at the site she found in her living room, Loki had finally found her stash of video games and was currently getting very agitated at Mario Kart. She laughed grabbing herself her controller and joining the game wordlessly. This was one of her favorite games and she had went undefeated for a very long time. She swerved dodging every banana peel Loki's character threw at her, much to his disapproval. She ended up overlapping him and she chuckled as she beat him in a landslide. Looking over to find Loki pouting and he asked for a rematch.

That's what they did for nearly the entire day, so happy to just be in the other's company. Forgetting all of the terrible things that loomed over their heads. And for just a little while Natasha was able to pretend that she wasn't actually going to lose him. In the middle of a round Natasha knew she needed an edge so she leaned over and pressed a kiss to his lips whispering, "No matter what you look like, you'll always be my Loki." She put emphasis on the my and reveled in how it distracted Loki just long enough for her to pass him and win. Yet she meant every word she had said.


End file.
